Love’s Thread

jd-63

~ HELD TOGETHER BY LOVE ~

An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but will never break.  – Chinese Proverb

Our lives are invisibly tied to those whose destinies touch our own.   These threads continue to connect us when our physical bodies die because our souls are eternal.   My sister spent the day with me in June of 1973.  That wouldn’t be out of the ordinary save the fact that she had died the previous April on the 27th day at 1:35 in the afternoon.   My grief was given respite that June day as seeds of hope, faith and love were planted in my heart.   Heaven’s breath provided bountiful nourishment for the seeds to take root and grow.  In staying true to my experience, it seems a deception to call it a dream for there is no other event in my life that I can recall with such vivid clarity.

I was born the youngest child into a family with three older siblings who were also girls.  Perhaps as the fourth child I was something of an afterthought since our mother always referred to us as “The Girls and Jackie”.  Mom continued with this reference long after Diane died.  The Girls simplylost a member and became a team of two instead of three.  My sister Diane was third in line, closest to me yet still separated by almost seven years.  This gap, and the gulf it created between siblings, widened to nine years after her death when I was ten.  I always felt separate, an only child in a second family.  Even as an adult, I never attained the status of becoming one of The Girls.

My two oldest sisters lived in the family room in the basement.  That must have been nice for them because they had someone to whisper to during the night.  There was also safety in numbers.  My room was upstairs sandwiched between my parents dark bedroom at the back of the house and Diane’s sunny room on the front corner.   Most nights after I was asleep, my parents fought.  The energy of their voices crashed like a cannonball against the walls of my bedroom.  It startled me awake as fear’s sharp fingers tried to pluck me from my bed.  I sucked my thumb, curled up in a ball and hugged my Pooh Bear close to me.  On the good nights, Diane would tap lightly on the wall then suddenly appear next to me to whisk me away to the safety of her room.  Cuddled up together, the tightness in my chest slowly eased away and was replaced with a beautiful warmth.   All of me felt protected and loved.  But there were other nights when Diane wasn’t there to rescue me.   He never came when we were together.  The moment I heard the footsteps in the hall, I knew his silhouette would appear in my doorway.  Sometimes there was no warning, no loud fight that woke me first.  At least on the nights that they fought, I had a chance to wake up.  It gave me a moment to prepare, to hide under my bed or tiptoe out of my room and hide in the dog box.  He never looked there.  The nights without fights his arrival was announced when he pressed himself up against me.  Some nights I heard his footsteps in the hall but they didn’t stop at my door.  My relief quickly turned to tears when I heard him continue down the hall to Diane’s room.  Later she would tell me that it was better this way, that she was my big sister and I needed a chance to be a kid.

My sister died on a Friday, five days after our mother’s birthday, three days after my oldest sister’s birthday and the afternoon of the last real day of Spring Break.  We had her memorial service on Sunday and everyone went to work and school on Monday like nothing had ever happened.  Well, not everyone.  I became hysterical and begged to stay home.  I took our dog with me and we spent the entire day in Diane’s room.  When my mom got home from work, she said that she didn’t want me in there and that moping around wouldn’t bring my sister back.  It was time to get back to normal and go to school.   I don’t think that she ever said Diane’s name after that day.  It made me feel better when I noticed Diane’s ring on her pinky finger.  She never took it off.  My mom still had it on thirty years later when she went to surgery.  They taped over top of it after she told them that she would only have the surgery if the ring remained with her through the whole process.

Three days after Diane died, our landlord came to the house to pay his respects.  He apologized for the poor timing but wanted to let us know that he would be renting the house to his son as of July 1st.  This would be our 60 day notice, as per our lease, and he was sure we would be able to find another rental property.  This news was shocking and it must have been unbelievable to my parents.  I remember being a little bit excited that we would be moving and leaving all the sadness behind.  By the first week in June, we still had no place to move to, my father was walking around crying at the drop of a hat and my mother stayed holed up in her room most of the time.  I felt the tiniest bit guilty that I was so happy that they weren’t fighting and that the nighttime visits were a thing of the past.  I also knew that I must be crazy because I had started talking to Diane out loud and most nights I felt like she was cuddled up with me in bed.  On those nights I felt the familiar beautiful warmth and sleep came easy.  As the room drifted away I heard, He never comes when we are together.

I blinked my eyes hard and then blinked them again even harder.  I was just waking up and Diane was sitting on my bed watching me.  Her eyes looked really blue.  It’s about time you woke up.  Hurry up kid, we have a lot to do today.  I heard the words clearly but her mouth never moved.  Now I knew I was crazy for sure.  I told her she was dead and it was impossible for her to be there.  Diane started laughing.  Yeah, I know.  The only problem is that the whole dying thing isn’t real.  I am still alive, just different.  I am actually more alive than I used to be.  It is the coolest thing ever.  Get up and get ready for school.  I am going to be with you all day and I will tell you more about it later.  And then she disappeared.  I figured that I had imagined the whole thing, got dressed and headed out to the kitchen.  Diane was sitting at the table talking to the dog.  He was wiggling all over the place and wagging his tail.  Rusty LOVED Diane and this was getting interesting.  If I was imagining it then the dog had to be seeing the same thing.  My mom was at the table too but she was staring out the window.  She can’t see me or hear me so don’t even bother telling her.  I started to say something to my mom but as soon as I said “Diane” her eyes glazed over and she wouldn’t look at me.  Diane shrugged her shoulders and laughed.  I told you so but watch this. She leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.  My mom moved her head a tiny bit and put her hand to her cheek.  She felt the kiss but thinks that she is making it up.  Come on or you are going to be late.  My skin tingled and she was gone.  I’m still here, I just want you to learn to feel me when you can’t see me.

I had a fabulous day.  Everywhere I went, no matter what I did, Diane was with me.  Sometimes I could see her, sometimes I could hear her but there was never a moment that I didn’t feel her there with me.  We had never spent so much time together.  In the past, she would tolerate me for a little while and then call me a brat and tell me to get lost.  I was never offended by this, her eyes always twinkled when she said it and besides that, we had secrets together that nobody knew about.

I got in trouble at school for not paying attention because I was listening to Diane.  I told her all the stuff that had been going on since she died but it seemed she knew things before I shared them.  She said that she had been keeping watch over me the whole time.  I liked that a lot.  It felt like I had my own guardian angel.   Diane sat in her regular chair at the dinner table and Rusty sat next to her, his tail wagging furiously.  He was even drooling, hoping that she would sneak him some food like she used to.  She kept saying funny things and I would laugh out loud and the rest of the family kind of looked at me sideways.  Diane went behind each of them at the table.  She was screaming in their ears but no one acted like they heard anything.  While we were watching TV together, I told her how happy I was that she was going to be with me all the time.  I burst into tears when she said that it was just for today and we needed to talk about some serious stuff before I went to bed.

Diane sat on my bed with me.  We were both in our jammies, sitting cross legged and facing each other.  All of this stuff that I am going to tell you is very important.  Tomorrow you need to get up early, get the newspaper and look at the ads for houses to rent.  Look for the one that says four bedrooms in Kensington.  That is going to be where you will move.  Make sure that somebody calls about it even if you have to keep bothering them.  You will be able to go to the same school and stay near your friends when you live in this house.  Do you understand?  I told her that I understood but was really worried about anyone listening to a ten year old.  She said somebody would help me if there was a problem.

After this she got a very serious look on her face and said that she was going to have to leave soon but needed to tell me something that was going to be very hard for me to hear.  Things are going to get a lot worse with Dad for a little while and you will feel that you are alone.  You are never alone.  It doesn’t make any sense right now but this experience will give you tools to help other people when you are a lot older.  You will use all your special gifts to find the courage to move forward and teach others about forgiving and living with an open heart. 

Tears were pouring down my cheeks as Diane stood and moved away from me. . .

Part 2 Heaven’s Tapestry – https://katedelodovico.wordpress.com/2013/09/24/loves-thread-weaves-heavens-tapestry/

~ until our paths bring us together again ~

http://www.katedelodovico.com/

Advertisements

41 thoughts on “Love’s Thread

  1. Beautifully written.
    I can only imagine what your childhood must have been like and my heart goes out to you.
    I know how therapeutic it is to write about it and finally get it out of your head and how it also shapes who you have become. Here’s a link to my blog I wrote about my childhood. http://cgrace4wellbeing.blogspot.co.nz/2012/12/things-ive-learned-about-domestic.html
    I fully believe it has helped me be who I am now and with the work that I do now. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to the next installment.

    • Thanks Caitlin-
      Awhile back Spirit said that it was time to start sharing my stories and messages. . . I am a believer in
      “pre-birth” planning and think we form a blueprint of our lives before we are ever born. We plan major
      challenges for their growth, not their suffering. . . Thank you for sharing your personal journey with me-

  2. Anne says:

    Beautifully written but had me in tears , what a way to live your childhood ,bless you. I have also been over to Caitlins blog, another sad tale.

    • I hope you will read my reply to Caitlin’s comment. I have experienced tremendous sorrows and incredible joys in my life. I will be
      writing about both. I am living an amazing, wonderful life. . . we all are!

  3. Shana says:

    Beautiful and inspiring!

  4. woodscrone says:

    Very poignantly written. No doubt your sharing will give others the courage to tell their own stories.

  5. Tommy Kolb says:

    I had no idea. No one ever does. To go thru the pain of loss, and see and feel the lost. Not to mention the fact you endured the sickness… It truly saddens me.

    But you are right. It’s made you be able to reach out and affect others. It’s affected me, profoundly.
    Jackie (Kate) I love you more than ever. Peace, light and love to you my sister.

    And yes, I wept! My heart is yours!

    • Thanks Tommy- I love you too! This was only one experience of many that helped me become who I am today. . . and I like
      ALL of me. You were part of the “regular” part of my childhood. How would you have known? I wonder now how many others
      were living a similar life and we just didn’t know. I hope there comes a day when everyone talks about everything-

  6. Judy Gamble says:

    I sit in awe of your strength and spirit. I have heard that writing can be therapeutic. And that time heals all wounds. I’m hoping it has eased your pain. So very sorry for the loss of your sister, AND your childhood. My heart goes out to you; truly moved by your story.

    • Thanks Judy- writing is very therapeutic for me. . . I have about a million journals! The sharing is a new experience and so far it has been fabulous- Time doesn’t really heal wounds, I think that is a joke. However, time does bring growth and insight and that makes a world of difference. . .

  7. Ch says:

    I am so happy that you have found your writing voice. It is clear, heartfelt and moving. It speaks a language of love and healing that I think the world needs right now.

    I have a favorite book about writing by one of the most prolific authors of our time – Stephen King. Yep, Mr. Horror himself. He notes that books have their own language that writers speak in their books. I have to say how much I appreciate and enjoy the language in your blogs, and that I hope to one day be at your book signing. 🙂

    Thank you for the language of clarity, understanding and hope your writing brings.

  8. Gail says:

    Your story is amazing, but for your sister to have appeared to you like that took my breath away. What a profound story in and of itself. Be well, and how privileged you are that she appeared to you. I am sure that she is with you always and will be waiting for you with open arms. Very inspiring.

  9. Renee says:

    Dear Kate,
    Thank you for having the courage to share your tender story. You have touched and opened our hearts. Together we may be part of the release & healing as we understand & honor your pain and our own pain as well. Together we may honor & celebrate the comfort & joy of the deep Love that Diane brought into your life.As you continue your story, you are spreading compassion & the wisdom of your life’s journey. And we are all blessed with your gifts! Be gentle to your self, dear one. You are Love.

  10. Vickii says:

    Well written, courageous story. Thank you for sharing. Appreciating your journey and the gifts you are here to bring to us all.

  11. Thank you so much for sharing your story with the world, Kate. I am moved to tears ❤

    • Thanks Brenda- I have been receiving such positive feedback. Many, many people have begun to share their stories with me of sexual abuse but also of signs and visits from their loved ones. Spirit has been gently encouraging me to share for awhile now, I am so happy that I have finally made my first steps in that direction. . .

  12. Rita says:

    Dear Kate, Your gifts go beyond this dimension. We are blessed to know you and I thank you for sharing this beautifully written time in your life. You are an inspiration and example of strength and love. Thank you for being in my life. Love, Rita

  13. Wow! I can not thank YOU enough for sharing your amazing story! I needed to see, feel, remember, and know these things today. NOW!
    I’m left with a few questions though. If I am out of line feel free to say so! Are your parents alive?
    Do they know about this blog?
    How did your sister die?
    I too was molested and it seems pretty much every other woman I’ve met has been too! Many ‘teachers’ say that our life is just God experiencing ‘life’. That it’s ALL God. God in drag is one of my fav sayings. But c’mon! How many times does God have to be raped? Other teachers say we come here to learn lessons so we can ‘graduate’. That we choose our lessons before we embody. This experience of molestation must the all-in-one combo package of lessons for SO many to choose it! I KNOW that we are supposed to be learning NOT to be ashamed of these things and to talk openly about them. I feel it will lessen the occurrences of molestation when it’s no longer a secret thing! So thanks for sharing your secret!!

    • Hi “flowering soul”! I sent you a personal email addressing all of your questions. I will continue to share my journey through my blog entries. Please follow my blog. . . I do NOT believe that sexual abuse occurs because God is just experiencing life. I do however believe that it was part of a “possible” blueprint of what could occur when I chose to incarnate into this body. In the much bigger scheme of things, we are all parts of God and that is where the “God experiencing” piece comes from. There are many things that are difficult to comprehend with our three dimensional brains. There was discussion among souls prior to coming here this lifetime of the events that could possibly occur to help us grow and expand. We are all part of our own “meeting of souls”. We learn so much by the “opposite” experience. I have learned about love over and over again. I wouldn’t change a thing.

  14. Dina Thomas says:

    Thank you for sharing your story…

  15. Jeannde says:

    Well sweet lady how lovely for you to finally share your story. You know I am a kindred spirit, and as we have reflected on in the past, my prebirth work stands at the the entrance, mentoring others in nurturing a rapport with those that are entering just as your work stand, like a gate keeper, for those that are moving on, like your sweet sister Diane. Every time we have met you are always clutching one of your journals close, it is wonderful to finally catch a glimpse of your heart, through your writing. I hope others find great healing in your words and that you continue to grow in your calling…Hugs

  16. rhona gorman says:

    I find this a sad sweet story, your sister reminds me of my late sister, her looks & the red hair, we weren’t that close, but I feel the sister in me now that ive read your story, im so sorry about your sister, was she sick? its very sad, take care, you are strong, Rhozbud324@optonline.net

    • Hi Rhona-
      It was sad moving through my sister’s death when I was young but the gift she gave me has been long lasting. Diane wasn’t sick, she was killed
      as a passenger on a motorcycle when a car ran a stop sign and plowed into them. I have spent very little time in that moment as she somehow opened the door for me to be able to experience Spirit in so many ways. My life has been rich and full because of them. Thank you for reading and commenting.

  17. pearl11girl says:

    Kate, It is a wonder isn’t it what is out there after our earthly death. Have you read Michal Newton’s books “Journey of Souls” and “Destiny of Souls”. they tell of his experience with patients who tell him about life between there live.s

  18. Reblogged this on pieces of me and commented:
    My dear friend, who is featured in Ode to the Western Woman, wrote this beautiful blog one year ago today. Her story is one that should be shared. Beautifully written account of a magical, loving experience with her sister. I encourage everyone to read this.

  19. angusbaynham says:

    Reblogged this on AngusBaynham.com and commented:
    Everyone in life meets for a reason!

  20. SiriusOryon says:

    Tearfully beautiful and soulfully perfect sharing of your experience…this is very heartfelt and real. Thank you so much for sharing.

  21. Dan McAneny says:

    What a great blog!. I spent many years teaching job seekers that people remember stories and forget concepts. A lot of meaningful stories here, each one with positive lessons and revelations. Thanks for following my blog. I intend to let others know about yours.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s